Drizzy and Drip: An Out of Body Experience Revised!
by dj944534
Summary: Although episode 14 of the original show is the best, it still has many flaws. Join me as I fix this episode to make it the best that it can be!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: As we all know, Ozzy and Drix's best episode is season 2, episode 14 "An Out of Body Experience". It is the main inspiration for my spinoff series fanfiction! But the more I rewatch it, the more flaws I find. Since I love this episode, I must criticize it heavily so that it can be the best that it can be. Therefore, I have decided to rewrite this episode into a fully fleshed-out special. I am taking the risk of contradicting my canon, but I am willing to take that risk (who reads this stuff anyway?). To me, this revision is the official story, and I promise you it'll make more sense than the original. Please enjoy the show!**

**Main Goals: **

**Remove the excessive girly stereotypes. We are not inside of any girl, we are inside Christine!**

**Remove Ozzy's "gender morphication". It is completely made-up and illogical even in the series canon. This rule literally only applied to Ozzy this one specific time just to give him an artificial urgency to get back to Hector. **

**Ozzy, Drix, and Maria will have to cope with their new situation. How can Drix confidently prepare a plan to get Ozzy back? When you lose a cell, you lose a cell!**

**Maximus well get better development. He will not be a traitor this time. Think about it, did the reasoning for him being a traitor make sense? Way too many holes in his logic. What will he be, you ask?... ;)**

**The pneumonia villain will be more threatening. Defeating him was a joke; he is a serious disease, he should be taken seriously!**

**Ozzy will spend a longer time inside Christine. Development time!**

**Girl power will not save the day!**

**[The start of the episode will remain the same (please watch for context if you haven't seen it!). Now the scene takes place right after the lady white blood cells defeat the of the officers, except Cilia are surrounding him.]**

Ozzy: "...On the other hand, a cell can get used to such a friendly place!"

Cilia: "Ha, you have no other choice _but_ to get used to living here. Unfortunately…:

Ozzy: "Wait, what?! Now hold on a minute, you're telling me that I will have to live the rest of my life inside of a **girl**?!"

Cilia: "Well, duh. The chances that another situation that will take you back to Hector will happen are near zero. Girls, you can take the germ to the station. I will take… _**this**_ to the mayor."

Ozzy: "Hey, what are you implying?! Do you have a problem?!"

Cilia: (Sigh) "Just follow me."

* * *

**[This scene takes place back in Hector. Drix and Maria are discussing Ozzy's disappearance.]**

Maria: … "Ozzy is where?!"

Drix: "You heard me correctly, inside Christine."

Maria: "No, it can't be! How will we get him back?"

[Drix's demeanor become saddened]

Dirx: "...Maria…"

Maria: "..."

[After a pause, Maria recognizes what Drix is implying. The atmosphere is dreadful, all hope is lost.]

Maria: "You're right Drix. Once a cell leaves the body, there is no feasible way he can come back. (Softly chuckles) I guess he is a citizen of Christine now…"

Drix: "The best thing we can do is move on, we still have a duty to protect Hector, with or without Ozzy. Shall we alert the department?"

Maria: "Sure. Life won't be the same without him, I wonder how is he doing right now…"

* * *

Ozzy: "Ahh. Clean streets, beautiful buildings, and freshly deodorised streets. Not a bad change of pace!"

[Cilia and Ozzy are entering the town hall (aka the brain) to meet the mayor.]

Cilia: "Sounds like you came from a living dump."

Ozzy: "Hey, don't talk about my boy like that! He is… trying his best!"

Cilia: (Rolls her eyes) "Hey mayor, here is the cell I told you about."

Conscious Santorini: (Santorini excitingly gets up from here chair) "Our visitor! Or should I say, new citizen of Christine! My name is Conscious Santorini, but you can just call me Santorini. And you are…"

Ozzy: "Osmosis Jones, but you can call me Ozzy. I am an ace detective!"

Cilia: (Under her breath) "Yeah right."

Santorini: "Ooh, sounds exciting! Anyway, welcome to the city of Christine, we are so glad to have you! We need to get you a place to stay immediately. Amillia!"

Amillia: (She walks into the office) "Yes ma'am?"

Santorini: "This is Mr. Jones, he is our new citizen. We need to get him a nice home right now!"

Amillia: "Sorry, but we are kind of booked right now. We'll need more time to open up more homes."

Ozzy: "So where will I stay now?"

Amillia: "...In the colon. There is always plenty of room there."

Ozzy: "!"

Cilia: "Sounds good to me, it'll be just like his previous home!"

Ozzy: "Hey!"

Santorini: "Come on Amillia, that is no way to treat our new member! Any other alternatives?"

Amillia: "He could stay with Cilia until a place is ready for him."

Cilia: "?!"

Ozzy: "Hey, sounds good to me. I'll be right at home!"

Cilia: "Why, you! (Looks at Amilia) I thought we were friends. You know my living situation, you think I can handle another cell?!"

Amillia: "Sorry Cilia, I am just doing my job. The final decision is up to you of course."

Cilia: "I say no!"

Ozzy: "Wait, Cilia!"

Santorini: "Well since we have no other choice, into to the colon you go. Cilia before you take him down there, be sure to show him around and treat him to our finest restaurants!"

Cilia: "Yes ma'am. Come on Jones, let's go."

Ozzy: "I get no say in this?! Women…"

* * *

[Cilia and Ozzy are walking from a restaurant. They have finished dining.]

Ozzy: "Wow, I did not know there were so many ways to serve brussel sprouts.

Cilia: "Well of course dummy, we were at a restaurant that specializes in brussel sprouts! I figured you can lose a little weight…"

Ozzy: "Hey, what is your problem with me?!"

Cilia: "For starters you are annoying, arrogant, cocky…"

Ozzy: (Interrupts) "...and handsome?"

Cilia: (Sigh) "Alright, I am taking you to the colon. It shouldn't be that bad tonight, but who knows? I guess you will!"

Ozzy: "Wait Cilia, please let me stay with you! I-I promise that I'll help you. I'll be a good white blood cell for Christine!"

Cilia: "No!"

Ozzy: Please? (Ozzy begs Cilia desperately in a cartoony "cute" manner)

Cilia: (Shakes her head) I'm going to regret this. Fine Jones, you can stay **until** you get a place to stay."

Ozzy: "Oh thank you so much, come on let's get going!"

Cilia: "Wait a minute. For your information, I have two little brothers that live with me, so having you will make the place crowded."

Ozzy: "That's fine, I've been through worse. Besides, I wouldn't mind meeting your little bros! Maybe I can be a role model to them…"

Cilia: "Not even in your dreams."

* * *

**Thanks for reading, see you in act 2.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm releasing 2 chapters at once! Thanks to all that are reading, I'll be sure to finish this summer (2019). I hope there are very few mistakes. **

**Chapter 2**

[Cilia and Ozzy finally arrive at Cilia's home; a small house in a big neighborhood in up-town Christine. Ozzy observes the place with slight amusement.]

Ozzy: "Wow. you live in a house?! The best I've ever had was an apartment on the 38th floor!"

Cilia: "Come on, I've unlocked the door already. Don't forget what I told you!"

[Inside the house, Drip is in the kitchen preparing dinner and Drizzy is in the main room watching t.v.]

Drizzy: "Gosh, the dream channel has been a total snooze fest recently. (Sigh) What even happened to her (Christine) this time?. I bet I could invent something to change this…"

Cilia: (Comes in unexpectedly) "Oh no you won't."

Drizzy: (Laughs nervously) "Well, hey there Cilia! Didn't see you there…"

Drip: (Comes from the kitchen) "Hello big sis! Dinner is almost ready, tonight we're having mucus with…!"

Drizzy: "!"

[Drizzy and Drip finally notice Ozzy behind Cilia]

Cilia: "Drizzy, Drip, I would like you to meet Osmosis Jones. He came from Hector. He'll…"

Drip: (Interrupts) "Come on sis, another guy friend? I was just starting to get cool with your previous friend!"

Ozzy: "Amazing, there are guys that actually fell in love with this cold-hearted woman?!"

Cilia: "!" (She slaps Ozzy)

Ozzy: "Ouch!"

Cilia: "No Drip, we are hardly acquaintances. He is only staying until his home is ready. If I weren't so nice, I would have let him stay in the colon…"

Ozzy: "Don't worry about me, I'll be back to Hector in no time!"

Drizzy: "Um, Mr. Jones correct?"

Ozzy: "Just call me Ozzy! You're another fan of Hector I assume? It is okay, I am getting used to my new fans…"

Drizzy: "Of course not, I am not in that delusional cult like some of those ladies are! I just wanted to tell you that returning to...Hector… is nearly impossible. You'd coagulate almost immediately. Fortunately for you, I have a prototype that just might help…"

Cilia: "Drizzy, don't bother. He is now joining us a member of the city of Christine. (Sigh) Let's try to make him feel welcomed."

Drip: "In that case, welcome to Christine, Ozzy! Trust me, life is so good here that you won't mind staying here forever!"

Cilia: "Don't worry bros, he isn't used to living inside a girl. He probably thinks he'll become girly."

Ozzy: "Wait, that can really happen?! How…"

Drizzy: "Ha, you do know that the 'gender morphication' theory is completely false and nothing more than just some dumb movie trope? You are more likely to become a girl if you are hit with a gadget that'll transform you! Speaking of which…"

Cilia: (Ahem) "Anyway, tomorrow I am going to help train him and teach him more about Christine. Please no shenanigans while I am busy! (Lowers her voice) And Drip…"

Drip: Eh, sis?

Cilia: "For the last time that guy (not talking about Ozzy) is not my boyfriend!… he is just an old friend!"

* * *

[Some time has passed, everyone is preparing for bed]

Ozzy: "Alright, I'm ready to get some shut-eye! Where's my room?"

Cilia: "The sofa."

Ozzy: "What? No room for yours truly?"

Cilia: If you didn't notice, we only have one bedroom."

Ozzy: "One bedroom?! Then where do your bros sleep?"

Cilia: "We all share the same room and bed, genius.

Ozzy: "Ooo, I remember those rough days as a kid! Have room for-?"

[Cilia kicks Ozzy so hard, he plummets straight into the living room sofa.]

Cilia: "We have a busy day ahead of us once Christine wakes up, just go to sleep already!"

[Cilia slams the door to her room]

Ozzy: "Ow, what a pain in the membrane. Ha, the gang would never believe this!"

[Ozzy chuckles for a moment. He begins to reflect]

Ozzy: "Wow, I'm really inside a different person for the third time… and it's a girl! Everything seems nice so far, but there is no place like home. But I guess this my new home. Drix, Maria, Hector, and even that annoying kid mayor, I'll miss you guys. Perhaps one day I'll be able to share my story about life inside of a girl with y'all… (Sigh)

[He looks at the dream channel; noticing Christine having a pleasant and peaceful dream.]

Ozzy: "But until then, I'll be the best white blood cell that Christine has ever had!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Cilia: "...urgh, Come on Jones. Get up already!

Ozzy: (Still half asleep) "I don't wanna go, I'm too tired…"

Cilia: "Sheesh, what were you doing last night? Get up now, I have to take you to the chief!"

Ozzy: "Sure thing Cilia, just a few more minutes. I swear this girl wakes up earlier than Hector…"

Cilia: "Okay you've asked for it. Drizzy!"

Drizzy: (Immediately appears beside Cilia) "You called?"

Cilia: "Our new 'buddy' here is a little too comfortable. Use that **thing**."

Drizzy: "!" "Are… you sure?"

Cilia: "Hurry up!"

Drizzy: (Pulls out the thing (just some random invention)) "Whelp, here goes. I'm putting all of the responsibility on you, you know!"

Cilia: "Yeah, yeah. Fire away!

[Drizzy shoots a beam at Ozzy. Suddenly, he turns red]

Ozzy: "Huh? Something tickles…! YEOUCH!"

[Ozzy is in so much pain, he rockets out of his sleep and crashes into the ceiling. It's safe to say that he is no longer sleepy.]

Cilia: (Chuckles) "Seems like you've got some good 'shut-eye' alright. A little too good, I must say."

Ozzy: (Slowly returns to normal) "A simple splash of water would have been enough! What was that anyway?!"

Drizzy: "A device that boosts a cell's defense against acids by cooling down the cytoplasm… well it's supposed to anyway. Turns out that I made the chilling effect too extreme: it makes you so cold that it burns almost as much as stomach acid!"

Cilia: "Making it the perfect wake-up device; it works every time. See Drizzy, your failures can be useful after all!

Drizzy: "Hey, cut me some slack!"

Ozzy: "In any case, I promise to wake up on time. Please don't use anymore of those gadgets on me!"

Cilia: "Just listen to me the first time and I won't make Drizzy test his failures on you. Okay boys, you know where to go today. The chief wants your team on finger duty. Some germs have been slipping through the cut from yesterday so make sure you stop them from harming the city. Ozzy and I will report first thing to Maximus."

Ozzy: "Who is this Maximus guy?"

Cilia: "You'll find out soon."

Drip: "Wait everyone, don't forget that I made breakfast!"

Cilia: "Too late Drip, we're running late."

Drizzy: "You know that I have the perfect inven-"

Cilia: "-Nope!"

Drip: "I'll make it to-go then."

Ozzy: (Thinking to himself) "I'm hungry, but breakfast by some strange kid? No way that'll be-"

Ozzy: "-Very delicious!

[Ozzy is happily enjoying his food, while riding with Cilia to Uptown Christine. Cilia is pretty annoyed]

Cilia: "Would you stop talking already and hurry up? We're almost to the department hq uptown."

Ozzy: (Smacking) "Mm-mm! Sorry, I can't help it! I didn't expect for your little bro to be a fantastic chief. He cooks better than my ex back in Frank!"

Cilia: "Yep, that kid is good at a lot of things. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I don't even know him…"

Ozzy: (Finally finishes his food) "If his cooking is that good, I wonder how yours taste!"

Cilia: "If you oversleep again because of your hard work, I'll cook my best meal just for you."

Ozzy: "Wait, there's no catch? Then it's a deal!"

Cilia: (Smirks secretly)

[Cilia and Ozzy arrived at the CPD HQ. It's a very busy place, but they manage to reach Maximus' office. Cilia knocks on the door.]

Cilia: "Chief Maximus, this is Officer Tyson! I brought the cell you wanted."

Ozzy: "Excuse me, this cell has a name!"

Cilia: "Shut it."

Maximus: "Excellent Officer Tyson, come in."

[The door opens and they enter. You've seen this place in the actual show before. Maximus awaits at his desk.]

Maximus: "Welcome to the Christine Police Department! My name is Maximus and I am the chief of the department."

Ozzy: "And I am Osmosis Jones; an ace detective!"

Cilia: (Rolls her eyes)

Maximus: "Is that so? Interesting."

Ozzy: (Being a little too pumped, he goes on a tangent) "You bet! Although, I can't solve the mystery how you as a man managed to become the leader of a department inside of a girl! How did you manage to survive and keep your manhood? No, more importantly, how do you resist temptation around here? There are ladies all over the place! Let me guess, the ladies swarm you, huh? I know I had some of your cute officers around me! Word of advice though, be careful who you get because some of them are crazy (whispering) **like this woman**(pointing at Cilia). Also-"

Cilia: "Shut-up already!" (She elbows him, don't worry, she held back **a lot**)

Ozzy: "Oww! See what I mean? Do you know the secret to understanding women? Help a brother out!"

Maximus: "Perhaps we can talk about that at a later date... 'brother'. For now, I have an assignment for you two. I believe that your "detective skills" might assist you. Let's have a seat, shall we?"

**Chapter 4 coming soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

****A/N (7/9/19): Two more chapter updates ready to go! The last four chapters (6,7,8,9) will be out before August.****

**Chapter 4**

Maximus: (Points at a map of Christine) "Tyson, I want you to take Jones and patrol with him around Christine. Be sure to teach him everything he needs to know."

Cilia: "Yes, sir."

Ozzy: "That's it? You want me just to patrol around the city? Where's the action?!"

Maximus: "It's just for your first day in training. You are new to the place after all. But don't worry, I think you'll have an excellent time. Right Cilia?"

Cilia: (Grumbles) "I suppose. I'm sure he's used to bad germs running rampant in his former city. That's probably why he expects nonstop action."

Ozzy: "Come on, I told you don't talk about my boy Hector like that! We had it all under control. Especially when they left the case to me!"

Cilia: (Eyeroll)

Maximus: (Laughs) "You sure are something, . Anyway, before you go, here's a networking device."

Ozzy: "Thanks, what's it for?"

Cilia: "Communication with all of the CPD officers, genius. Never had one back in Hector?"

Ozzy: "See what I mean? I don't understand this woman!"

Maximus: "Now now Tyson, let's keep it professional. Time for you two to head out."

Cilia: "Yes, sir!"

Ozzy: "You got it Max!"

(Right before the leave the office)

Maximus: "One last order."

Cilia and Ozzy: "?"

Maximus: (Super serious tone) "I know this goes without saying, but please be sure to follow my orders closely. Report **anything suspicious** to me **immediately**!"

Cilia: "Most certainly chief!"

Ozzy: (To himself) "Why would he emphasise that? Hmm, my detective skills are tingling! Or it could be the lingering pain of Cilia's jab to my sides…"

* * *

[Cilia and Ozzy starts their patrol in the mouth]

Ozzy: "Wow, you girls really keep it clean in here! I know Hector could learn a thing or two about dental hygiene."

Cilia: (Under her breath) "Or just hygiene in general…"

Ozzy: "Did you say something smart again?!"

Cilia: "What's important to know here is that Christine usually eats three meals a day with snacks in between. We missed breakfast, so lunch is next at around noon. As you could guess, during her meals is when the action begins. We try to arrest as many germs as we can before they can infiltrate the city. However they…" (Cilia keeps talking)

Ozzy: (Ignoring Cilia. He's lost in his thoughts) "I can't believe that a mouth could be this clean. This is what I tried to make Hector's look like, but the boy isn't helping! Is this because Christine is a girl?..."

Networking Device: **BZZT!**

Ozzy: (Snaps out of his daydreaming) "Huh? The chief is calling me already?"

[Ozzy answers the call]

Ozzy: "Yes?"

MAximus: "Jones, report to the stomach at once! I've heard from Crew #2019 that there's something going on there and they need backup."

Ozzy: "Hey, that sounds like a case to me! Cilia, let's head down to the stomach. The chief just told me to report there now!"

Cilia: "Really, why would he just tell you?"

Ozzy: "Because I'm an ace detective, remember? Let's go!"

Cilia: (Sigh) "I planned to go to the nose next, but if the chief said so…"

* * *

[Not too soon later, they arrive in the stomach. Ozzy notices a ship in the acid.]

Cilia: "Hmm. Seems less lively than normal. Guess it's because lunch hasn't arrived yet…"

Ozzy: "Alright, let's split. You'll stay on shore and look cute, while I check out that ship over there."

Cilia: "Hold on, who put you in charge?"

[Her words fail to reach Ozzy because he has already started his plan.]

Cilia: (Sigh) "That idiot! Fine, I'll just look around here…"

[Ozzy arrives on the ship. It appears to be vacant.]

Ozzy: "Huh, that's strange. I don't see anyone here…"

[He looks around some more, cautiously.]

Ozzy: "Nothing to see here, I guess. Why would the chief tell me to come here when there's nothing-"

[Suddenly, Ozzy is knocked to the ground.]

Ozzy: "!"

[He looks up at the ambushers; they appear to be two cloaked microbes. Who could they be?]

Ozzy: "Wait, who are you guys?!"

?: (Hits Ozzy on the head) "Silence!"

?: "You know what we must do, let's take him already."

[They pick up Ozzy (who is a little dizzy) and carry him near the edge of the ship.]

?: "On my count, we'll throw him in the stomach acid."

?: "Easy!"

Ozzy: (Snaps back to normal) "Oh no you ain't!"

[Ozzy bends his legs and uses their heads as trampolines to break free from their grip. The fight begins!]

Ozzy: "Bring it on!"

(THUD)

[A third figure appears behind him and ko's him in one strike.]

?: "Throw this joker as far back in the stomach as you can; we don't want anyone to see him get digested."

[They pick him up, and with all their might, threw Ozzy as far away as they could.]

?: "Let's report back to **him** at HQ immediately!"

* * *

Ozzy: "...am I dead?"

[Ozzy looks at the scenery; it's heavenly. Looks like paradise!]

Ozzy: "Is this heaven? Everything is so...nice."

?: "Osmosis Jones!"

Ozzy: "! Is that?!"

Leah: "Long time no see, OJ! So tell me, how did your life go?"

Ozzy: "Wait, Leah, what are you doing here? Did you also-?"

Leah: "Yep, Frank just wouldn't get his health back on track. Once you and Drix randomly disappeared, things got further out of control in a matter of days. Eventually, the germs and viruses ruled the city and I watched it die up until the last moment. It was the scariest moment of my life, and you weren't by my side to protect me…"

Ozzy: "Leah, I'm sorry. We got sucked out by a mosquito. I tried to make things better by preventing a teenage boy from following Frank's steps, but through another accident, I ended up inside a girl. And by the looks of it, I failed to protect her as well. Gosh, I am a big failure!"

Leah: (Hugs Ozzy, soothing him) "Shh. We can talk about all of your 'failures' later. I think you and I have some time to make up for."

Ozzy: "You got it girl! I-"

[Suddenly, Ozzy smells an awful aroma.]

Leah: "Hmm? What's wrong dear?"

Ozzy: "Something smells weird. (Sniffs) No, absolutely terrible! ! What's happening to me?!"

Leah: "! Osmosis, where are you going?!"

[The aroma consumes him and forces him away from Leah.]

Ozzy: "I don't know, (cough cough) but it doesn't seem pleasant! Ahh!"

[Ozzy is no longer in the realm of paradise, he is now… on Cilia's couch?]

Ozzy: (Wakes up) "Where am I? What's going on?!" (Cough cough)

[Before him is a plate of food?]

Cilia: "I made you breakfast, just like I promised. Eat up!"

Ozzy: "Breakfast?"

Cilia: "I found you unconscious on a nearly digested piece of pancake. You were off the clock for the rest of the day. I can't have anyone die on my squad, so I resurrected you."

Ozzy: "You took me out of paradise with food?!"

Drizzy: (Wearing a gas mask) "We'll explain. You see, Cilia, just like all of us, has her strengths… and cooking is not one of them."

Drip: (Also wearing a mask) "Her cooking is so bad, the smell of it can snatch anyone from the afterlife! If you want to go back, just eat it."

Ozzy: "I can see why you're the chief of the family. (Cough cough cough) But I'm back already, so could you please get rid of this?!"

[Too bad Ozzy! They aren't done explaining.]

Drip: "It's pretty amazing that this dish is her best effort. I can't teach her any better."

Drizzy: "And I don't think I could come up with an invention to make her cooking better. Believe me, I've tried."

Drip: "Just wait until you hear about the time she baked a cake for a family gathering! She caused the-"

Cilia: (Annoyed, she pushes her brothers' heads together) "Thanks for your lovely explanation! I'm sure we would all like to hear you bash me some more, but we all have work to do, don't we? Hurry up and dispose of the food in the stomach."

Drizzy: "But that'll give Christine-"

Cilia: "Or would y'all rather dispose of it inside of your vacuoles?"

Drizzy and Drip: "!"

[They immediately take the "food" and run outside with no hesitation.]

Ozzy: "Wow, you're not just crazy, you're evil!"

Cilia: "Good, you seem to be in a better condition. Let's go, we have some talking to do with the chief."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

[After talking to Maximus, Cilia and Ozzy are traveling in Cilia's car to get to the spleen. Ozzy is explaining what happened earlier, again.]

Cilia: "So, do you care to repeat your testimony? Give me your full thoughts."

Ozzy: "I was ambushed by three mysterious figures. They came out of nowhere and tried to kill me by having me digested!"

Cilia: "Hmm, three mysterious figures you say…"

Ozzy: "I coulda gave them all a piece of me ya know? They just caught me off guard, that's all."

Cilia: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure." (Rolls her eyes)

Ozzy: "Anyway Cilia, you've got to believe me! It looks like someone wants to kill me… besides you of course."

Cilia: "If that were the case, then who?"

Ozzy: "I'm…not sure. But nobody else could have set me up except for the one who ordered me to go to the stomach in the first place."

Cilia: "Wait, are you saying?-"

Ozzy: "-Maximus set me up!"

[Cilia slams the breaks]

Cilia: "Maximus would never do something like that! I've known him since training school… this doesn't sound like him at all!"

Ozzy: "But Cilia, who else could have done it?! He gave me the order to only listen to his orders; his order almost got me killed! Earlier today, after I told him, he told us to stay patrolling uptown and kicked us out saying he had some 'business' to take care of. Then a few minutes ago, he changed his mind and told us to go pick up some package at the spleen. Doesn't his behavior seem at least a LITTLE suspicious?"

Cilia: "..."

Ozzy: "Cilia?"

Cilia: "Get out, we're at the spleen. Go ahead of me, I'll catch up with you shortly."

Ozzy: "Okay then."

[Ozzy leaves Cilia and approaches a dark deliver truck]

Ozzy: "Hey, are you the delivery guy… or girl? Shoot, I keep forgetting that over 90% of the population are females."

Delivery guy: "Are you Osmosis Jones?"

Ozzy: "Ace detective, Osmosis Jones."

Delivery guy: "Ah, close enough. I'll get your package."

[The guy gets out and grabs a box from the back of his truck. For some reason, he is wearing a mask.]

Ozzy: (To himself) "What's up with this guy? He's making my detective senses tingle!"

Delivery Guy: "Okay, here's the package."

Ozzy: (Reaches out) "Thanks ' '."

Delivery Guy: "Wait, before you go I'll double-check the contents…"

Ozzy: (Tenses up)

[As he opens the package, a beam launches at Ozzy while at the same time, Ozzy manages to snatch off the mask. Too bad Ozzy loses the trade, he is coagulating.]

Ozzy: (Muffled speech)

Delivery Guy: (Speaking on a communicator with his back turned) "Step two of our operation has been a success! Now for the finishing touches…"

Ozzy: (In this thoughts) "Man, I knew not to trust this guy! But who is he? He has to show himself, his mask is next to me."

Delivery Guy: "Okay Jones, let's end this once and for all!"

[He turns around and picks up his mask, but not before Ozzy recognizes him.]

Ozzy: (In his thoughts) "Maximus?!"

* * *

[MAximus picks up Ozzy and throws him into the chopper. He quickly gets away from the scene. Will Ozzy die?]

Ozzy: "Am I gonna die, again?!"

Cilia: "Not yet!"

[Cilia saves Ozzy the same way in the actual episode (grabs him from the choppers, sprays thinner, etc.)]

Ozzy: (Cough) "Man, what is that stuff? Some kind of perfume?"

Cilia: "It's just thinner."

Ozzy: "Ooo, I need to get some of that stuff!"

Cilia: (Sigh) "Now is not the time! What in Christine just happened?"

Ozzy: "My detective instincts were right, the culprit is Maximus! He has been trying to kill me! Come on Cilia, his mask came off, you must have seen him yourself!"

Cilia: "Okay okay, I can see that someone is trying to kill you."

Ozzy: "Not 'someone', Maximus!"

Cilia: Sorry, but the man that threw you got away before I could see him. I can't confirm that it's Maximus just because you said so."

Ozzy: "But Cilia!-"

Cilia: "I didn't say that you were lying, you just need proof. Luckily for us, I know a retired detective that can help us out."

Ozzy: "But you already have an ace detective helping you!"

Cilia: "An ace detective that has no evidence of his claims?"

Ozzy: "..."

Cilia: "Just like I thought. Come on, let's go see her uptown."

* * *

[Cilia and Ozzy arrives at Drixine's knocks.]

Drixine: "Oh, it's you Cilia! And I see that you've brought your new recruit…"

Ozzy: "It's nice to meet a fellow detective! The name is Jones, Osmosis Jones, and I am an ace de-"

Cilia: "Nevermind him. We need your help, it's confidential."

Drixine: (Sigh) "Who doesn't need my help these days? Alright, come in."

[Once they settle in her office, they begin the talk.]

Drixine: (Sips her tea cup) "State your case."

Cilia: "Someone is out to get Jones here, and he thinks that it's-"

Ozzy: "-Maximus!"

Drixine: (Spits out her drink) "What?! Cilia, I thought you were giving me a serious case!"

Cilia: "Hear me out, apparently Jones thought he saw Maximus in the spleen. Can you confirm?"

Drixine: (Checks her monitors) "Hmm...nope. I can only make out some cloaked figure."

Ozzy: "Yes, that's him!"

Drixine: "Sorry bud, but my cameras don't lie. I have eyes almost everywhere around the city, I'm pretty sure I would have recognized the chief of the CPD right away."

Ozzy: "But, this isn't the only time he set me up. He did it yesterday too! On his orders, I went to the stomach and almost got assassinated. And again today, except he changed the scene! This is no coincidence!"

Drixine: "I get what you're saying, and I admit that this is a suspicious case that needs to be solved. However, without hard evidence to support an outrageous claim, I have to use logical reasoning. It'd make no sense for the chief to be caught in a scandal to kill a random new recruit; so many eyes are on him that he'd have no chance of not getting noticed."

Ozzy: "But but…"

Cilia: "And what would his motive be anyway? Maximus has always been tough on the job, and a decent guy off."

Drixine: (Chuckles) "The only most optimal non-logical guess I can come up with is that he is a double agent working for some virus planning to take over Christine."

Ozzy: "Hey, that sounds good! Let's investigate him from there!"

Cilia: "Now look, you've just filled his head with more conspiracy theories! Anyway, we don't have any more time to waste on this. We have real problems to solve."

[Ozzy is speechless and is starting to feel defeated, however, deep down he refuses to give up.]

Drixine: (Haha) "I remember when I used to be like you back in my early detective days. I would be on the lookout for all sorts of conspiracies. I even tried to directly interrogate who I thought to be the culprit!"

Ozzy: "What a great idea, thanks Drixine!"

Cilia: "! Jones!"

[Ozzy dashes out of the office.]

Drixine: "No, you don't think he's going to actually…"

Cilia: "I have to stop him! Thanks for the talk, Drixine."

[Cilia runs out of the office to chase Ozzy.]

* * *

[Maximus is busy working on "something" in his office. Until he's abruptly interrupted.]

Ozzy: "Ha ha, I've caught you!"

Maximus: "!"

Ozzy: "Don't act all surprised. Oh let me guess, you thought I was dead didn't you?!"

Maximus: "Officer Jones! What are you-"

[Cilia finally catches up to Ozzy.]

Cilia: (Panting) "Chief Maximus, I apologize for Jone's inappropriate behavior on his behalf. Jones, stop right now!"

Ozzy: "No no Cilia, I won't let this criminal get away! Say Max, why don't you explain yourself? Why did you try to get me killed in the stomach and spleen?"

Maximus: "What are you talking about? I've never told you to go to either of those places. Even today, I told you to patrol uptown Christine."

Ozzy: "Playing dumb huh? That's fine, just wait until I report everything to the mayor. You can kiss your career goodbye!"

Maximus: "Enough of this nonsense! We immunity cells are supposed to work together to protect Christine; throwing out baseless accusations only divides our forces. Didn't you read the code of conduct? For violating the code, as chief of the Christine Police Department, I hereby sentence Osmosis Jones on probation!"

Ozzy: "Hey, you can't do that! Cilia, help me out will ya?"

Cilia: (Shakes her head) "Sorry, I can't help banned officers...or idiots."

[Cilia leaves. A couple of officers walk in.]

Ozzy: "Wait, don't go!"

Maximus: "Don't worry Jones, you'll also be going. Officers, take him away! Silence him if you have to."

Officers: "Yes sir!"

Ozzy: "No, I won't go down without a fight! I'll-"

[The officers 'tase' him; knocking him out. They carry him out of the place. But to where?]

Maximus: (To himself) "Stay out of this Jones, it's better this way…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Ozzy: "Ow, my nucleus stings! Where am I?"

[Ozzy, after recovering his consciousness, finds himself surrounded by trash in some alley.]

Ozzy: "I have no clue, but why do I feel less...manly? !"

[Ozzy looks down at himself and he looks just like he did in the original episode when he turned "girly"]

Ozzy: "Ah! Why am I pink? Why am I wearing a skirt? And what happened to my deep manly voice?!"

?: "Hey Dianne, look like your invention is a success!"

?: "Humph. Well of course, I am always successful!"

[From the entrance of the alley comes one red blood cell and one platelet cell: Dianne and Tenri. Tenri is a new character; think of her as a submissive "minion" or "servant" to Dianne. If you watched "Grojband", think of their relationship as Trina and Mina. Dianne can be pretty rude to Tenri, but Tenri will still submit to her and sing her praises. But deep down, they are truly friends. Looks can be deceiving!]

Ozzy: "Can you help me? I don't know where I am and I somehow became a woman. I knew that being inside a girl for too long would transform me!"

Dianne: "Hahaha, don't be silly you weirdo. Everyone with an IQ above 85 knows that that is just a myth; even Tenri knows that!

Tenri: "Sure do!"

Ozzy: "Then why?-"

Dianne: Tenri, explain!"

Tenri: "Sir, you were zapped with Dianne's 'Transform-Me-Now' invention. It can temporarily transform the user into anything! Well, almost. There are only nine options after all. You were zapped by the 'girly' beam."

Dianne: "Thanks for being in the trash alley unconscious, you made for the perfect test subject. I get sick of testing everything on Tenri sometimes…"

Ozzy: "Gosh darn, not another one of these inventor kids!"

Dianne: "-! Tenri!"

Tenri: "I'm on it!"

Ozzy: "?!"

[Tenri instantly grabs Ozzy and brings him to Dianne.]

Dianne: "Inventor kids you say? As far as I'm concerned there are only two of us that are relevant in Christine. What's the name of the inventor you've meet?"

Ozzy: "Umm, I think it was Drizzy…"

Dianne: "I knew it! How dare he send me a hand-me-down test subject! I bet whatever he used on you must have messed you up. You poor thing! Tenri, we're taking him to the lab. Pronto!"

Tenri: "Hai!"

Ozzy: "Wait, I don't consent! Put me down!"

[Tenri continues to carry him as she and Dianne ignore Ozzy's complaints. To the lab!]

Ozzy: "Man, this girl is stronger than she looks!"

Tenri: "Aw, thank you!"

* * *

[Dianne, Tenri, and Ozzy are now inside of the lab (which is located in Dianne's house). Ozzy is sleeping; I guess Tenri's cargo carry is relaxing?]

Dianne: "Alright Tenri, you can put the weirdo down on that stool."

Tenri: "Okay!"

[She drops Ozzy so abruptly, he wakes up.]

Ozzy: "!"

Dianne: "Finally you're awake, that snore of yours was so annoying that it drained the oxygen out of me!"

Tenri: "Should I get your oxygen replacements?"

Dianne: "Do you have to ask?"

Tenri: "No Dianne, I am on it!"

[Tenri zaps out of the lab.]

Ozzy: "Still not sure about what's going on, but at least I've turned back to normal. Anyway, I'm the ace detective Osmosis Jones and I am-"

Dianne: "-on probation from the CPD? Let me guess, you have to find another job and stay away from the organization until your time is up?"

Ozzy: "How do you know? It just happened, so there's no way it could be on the news channel!"

Dianne: " Hahaha! Well, don't you know that I am the smartest cell in Christine? **(To herself)** _I can't tell him about the recorders I have to spy on Drizzy in Cilia's house; I'm sure Drizzy is waiting for me to admit it on tape!"_

Ozzy: "Well then you should know that I'm on a mission. For some reason, Maximus is trying to kill me! I'm at a dead end; I have no evidence and-"

Dianne: "-Don't care don't care don't care! Sheesh, don't dump your exposition on me."

Ozzy: "My bad. (Sigh) I just want to protect the girl…"

Dianne: "All of us work hard to keep Christine alive. Why are you so worked up? Isn't she a stranger to you?"

Ozzy: "Well, my life began in the city of Frank-"

Dianne: "Too long!"

Ozzy: "I want to save Christine from what I couldn't save Frank from: death. Witnessing the death of your city is the most traumatizing event to experience. **(To himself) **_Especially when good hygiene would have avoided it!"_

Dianne: "But does Christine really need someone like you?"

Ozzy: "What do you mean?!"

Dianne: "You've been here for nearly a week. How many deadly attacks by parasites and dangerous bacteria have you seen or heard of?"

Ozzy: "Practically none."

Dianne: "That's because Christine takes care of herself. In return, we are able to take care of her. Your previous experience and knowledge is of no use here; Christine has been doing well before you got here, so she'll be fine with or without you."

Ozzy: "Why do you females here have to be such a savage?..."

Dianne: "It's the raw truth, is it not?"

Ozzy: "...yes."

Dianne: "Seems like you wanted to be this 'hero' before you came here."

Ozzy: "Yep, when I was transported to Hector, it felt like I was sent back into the past to prevent the same ending my home city faced. But I do admit that this city is nice. I've always dreamed of living in such a place…"

Dianne: "...but you feel a lack of purpose. Although you like this lovely city, you'd rather help your previous host obtain and maintain one of his own?"

Ozzy: "Exactly, it's like you're reading my mind!"

Dianne: (To herself) "_Because I am, genius!" _

Ozzy: "Oh, I get it! You have an invention that can send me back to Hector!"

Dianne: "No no no. That's not happening in the slightest! But I do have an invention that'll disguise you."

[She tosses Ozzy a gadget.]

Ozzy: "What do you want me to do with this?"

Dianne: "You want to be the savior, right? Word on the street is that some big meeting is happening tonight at a club called 'Toni Tonsils'."

Ozzy: "Sounds like a lead! Where is this place?"

Dianne: "The same place we are; the lungs. When Tenri comes back, I'll make her take you there tonight."

Ozzy: "Wait wait wait, how can you be so sure that this is accurate? This sounds a little too convenient."

Dianne: "We red blood cells travel in herds all over Christine delivering oxygen; we're bound to hear all sorts of things. Besides, are you really in a position to be skeptical?"

Ozzy: "Point taken. Anyway, I can use this gun to change my appearance to do some undercover investigation tonight; ace detective style. Ah, this reminds me of the glory days! Okay, I'm ready to go! Thanks for your help, you'd be a good therapist!"

[Ozzy tries to dash away, but is yanked by Dianne]

Ozzy: "Hey, what gives?!"

Dianne: "I don't do anything for free; I gave you what you wanted, now you give me what I want."

Ozzy: "?"

Dianne: "You've been living with Cilia and her brothers; so you should know what goes on in there. More specifically, what Drizzy has been up to lately." (To herself) _He seems to be working around my spying devices..._

Ozzy: "Oh, this is about him huh. I don't know much, but he's been creating some sort of machine…"

Dianne: (Evil smirk) "Perfect! Tell me everything you know!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

[Time passes; it is now 'night' time. Ozzy (disguised as a 'girl') is riding behind Tenri on her motorcycle. They arrive at the entrance.]

Tenri: "Okay, here's your stop!"

Ozzy: "Whew, you sure know how to drive fast on a motorbike; only took us a few minutes! Thanks for the ride."

Tenri: "No problem! Remember, if you want your disguise to work, be sure to act like a lady. Don't forget what I taught you."

Ozzy: "Heh, no worries. I have lots of experience dealing with women, I've got the part down girl!"

[Inside 'Toni Tonsils', Ozzy is looking for the secret meeting. Too bad for him, the place is crowded tonight. On stage, some sort of talk show is going on. Wait a minute, the host is-]

Ozzy: "Drip?! That little dude has his own talk show?!"

Bartender: "First time here?"

[By Ozzy's side, a bartender germ overhears him. Ozzy approaches the bar; making sure to act in character. Imagine the cringeworthy 'girly' voice from the show.]

Ozzy: "Yeah, little ol' me is just a girl trying to experience the big city. I can't believe some little darlin' is here of all places."

Bartender: "Haha, none of us could at first, but we've realised that the kid's got talent! He knows more than you'd think; it's pretty scary and amushing at the same time. Why don't you take a seat here and observe? Here, I'll give you a drink on the house."

Ozzy: "Tehehe, you're such a great man!"

[The bartender gives Ozzy a drink (don't worry, there's no alcohol in Christine. It's probably some combination of body fluids). Ozzy sits down in thought.]

Ozzy: "I don't really have time for this, I must find that meeting! But nothing looks out of the ordinary. Maybe the meeting is happening later or something. Guess it wouldn't hurt to watch this talk show for a few minutes…"

[On stage, Drip is providing commentary while interviewing a guest; typical talk show business. Before you know it, a few minutes turns into over an hour.]

Ozzy: (Laughing uncontrollably) "Man, this kid's got talent; he sure knows how to deliver comedy. I bet Cilia would kill him for the jokes he makes about her! I could watch this show all night!"

Drip: "Thanks again to all of the guest that came on the show! And let's not forget to give a big shout-out to the owner of the place, Toni. Without him, we wouldn't be here tonight!"

[Massive claps and cheers.]

Drip: "But geez Toni, you have some pretty rude customers. Before the show, my crew was meeting in the backroom until some big guys rushed us out saying that their reservation time was now. Since I don't bother with grunts, I requested to see their leader so I could teach him a lesson, but apparently he denied. I said, 'Wow, I didn't know that once a germ orginazation comes insides of a girl, they become wimps!'."

[Laughter fills the place.]

Ozzy: "Goodness, this man is a savage! But anyway, I think he just gave me the answer I needed."

[Ozzy looks around and spots the backroom Drip mentioned.]

Ozzy: "Bingo! Time to bring justice and clear my name once and for all!"

* * *

[The inside of the meeting room is pretty much the same as in the original. All kinds of germs are gathered around the long table, chatting quietly as they wait for the meeting to start.]

Ozzy: (To himself) "_Great, looks like I'm right on time. For some reason, I am suddenly feeling uneasy…!"_

[Ozzy sees Cilia and Drixine (in disguise) in a different corner of the room. They don't notice him.]

Ozzy: (To himself) "_What?! Why are they here? Are they apart of the conspiracy?! Regardless, I must remain undercover. I'm here for the criminal mastermind!"_

?: "Enough with the chatter, it's time to start our final meeting."

[Out of the dark corners of the room, Maximus appears.]

Ozzy: (To himself) "_Perfect, just the guy I need! Once I hear his plans, I'm going to arrest him and report him to the mayor. Heh, this case is practically closed!"_

Maximus: "This time, we have a special guest joining us. The brains behind the operation: the Pneumoniac!"

Ozzy: "The what?!"

[As the crowd gives an applause, the Pneumoniac steps out of the darkness.]

Pneumoniac: "Thank you, thank you all for coming! I tell you, there's a reason why Maximus here is my right hand man; He's serious about his mission and is an excellent insider. With skills like those, no wonder why he hasn't been caught! Everyone of you should strive to be like this man. Please, another round of applause for Commander Maximus!"

[Applause and cheers]

Ozzy: (Stuck in shock) "He was working with a virus this entire time?! He's a traitor confirmed!"

[Pneumoniac glares at Ozzy, noticing Ozzy is the only one not clapping.]

Ozzy: (Starts clapping immediately) "I mean, yay, hooray for Maximus! That's the kind of man I like!"

Pneumoniac: "All right everyone, that's enough. Since we only have about nineteen minutes left before our room reservation is over, I'll skip most of the details of the plan that you should know by now. It's important that we stay united, so if anyone is unsure of anything, be sure to ask. Now everyone, look at the diagrams of Christine on the table. Pay attention to her lungs..."

Ozzy: (To himself) "_Oh no, I can't let any details slip like that!" _(He raises his hand)

Pneumoniac: "Yes,..man?"

Ozzy: "It is **MA'AM**! ANYWAY, can you remind me on why we are focusing on the lungs? I was so busy with my make-up, it just slipped my mind."

Pneumoniac: "Well then, try to focus more! (Sigh) We are going to give Christine acute pneumonia, we have to attack her lungs for the plan to work. It's my thing, you know? Anyway, back to the diagram…"

Ozzy: (To himself) "_Pneumonia? I haven't heard of that name in a while. I think Frank had it once, but I was so busy fighting five other diseases that I couldn't pay attention to it! Doesn't really matter, I know how to give any germ a butt-whoppin'!" _

Pneumoniac: "...and the rest is simple; once my army enters her nose, we'll all meet you guys here in the lungs and reign chaos. Soon, the entire city will be our playground; I can't wait to see the look of the girl's face as she slowly dies. Ha, I bet she will hope that her body will save her, but no one escapes from me!" (Cackles)

[As he cackles, so does everyone else (except for the serious Maximus).]

Ozzy: "Um, excuse me? What time is the invasion? I have a...spa appointment."

Pneumoniac: "You again? (Sigh) The invasion is in 7 hours, around noon. Postpone your dumb spa appointment to be after the invasion!"

Ozzy: (To himself) "_Okay, got all of the important info I needed! I just need to casually leave and go to the main hall. I'll change back to my handsome appearance to trigger any of the CPD officers there to chase after me. I'll lead them here and there should be enough of us to take all of these guys down. Another case solved, by yours truly!" _[Raises hand obnoxiously]

Pneumoniac: "OKAY, this is the LAST question from you, man!"

Ozzy: "Um, excuse me it is **MA'AM**! Do you understand?!"

Pneumoniac: (In a softer voice) "Okay ma'am, what's your question?"

Ozzy: "May I go to the ladies' room? I'll be back in a couple of minutes, I promise!"

Pneumoniac: No no, take your time **please**. I mean it."

Ozzy: "Aw, thanks. You da man!"

[As Ozzy tries to leave, his disguise wears off, revealing his true identity.]

Ozzy: "Oh snap…"

Pneumoniac: "I thought he was eliminated; Maximus explain!"

Maximus: "I don't understand either, I was sure that he was out of the way. Jones, why didn't you follow my orders? You're on probation!"

Ozzy: "I'm sorry, but I don't take orders from traitors!"

Pneumoniac: (Snaps)

[Everyone draws his/her weapon.]

Ozzy: "!"

Pneumoniac: "Eliminate him at once!"

[Suddenly, a shot hits the Pneumoniac's hand]

Pneumoniac: "!"

Cilia: (Takes off her disguise along with Drixine) "Freeze, all of you are under arrest!"

Maximus: "Everyone, fire!"

[The room becomes a war zone (just like the one in the show). Ozzy rushes over to Cilia's side.]

Ozzy: "How did you guys find out about this meeting? Did you know I was right all along?"

Cilia: "...Kinda, now let's move on!"

Ozzy: "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Cilia: (Sigh) "Fine, I apologize-"

Ozzy: "No no no, you have to admit that I was right! Come on, let me hear it!"

[A blaster nearly hits Ozzy's "ear".]

Drixine: "We're in the middle of a battle right now; save your gloating for later! Cilia, you and Ozzy go and report to the mayor. I'll stay behind and keep you covered."

Cilia: "Can you handle this until backup arrives?"

Drixine: "Did you forget that I'm an EXTRA-strength cold pill?"

Cilia: "Okay Jones, let's get out of here!"

Ozzy: "What about the Pneumoniac and Maximus? Looks like they're escaping!"

Cilia: "Don't worry, we know their plans already. We need to alert the mayor and prepare **our** army!"

[Cilia and Ozzy manages to escape. They step into Cilia's car and roll out.]


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Ozzy: "So...can I gloat now?"

Cilia: "Don't get too cocky Jones. We have a really serious case to solve and Christine's life is in danger."

Ozzy: "Yeah, but how did you know? When did you-"

Cilia: "Since the beginning, I've had a little suspicion. I know how Maximus normally behaves, but lately he has been a little too serious and busier than normal…as if he wanted to keep something hidden. Unlike you, I know how to keep my mouth shut and wait for **evidence** before making accusations."

Ozzy: "But I've seen him with my own eyes! And what do you mean by 'evidence'? What are we gonna show the mayor?"

Cilia: "While you were gone, I was able to sneak into Maximus' office and I found this case."

[Cilia pulls out a case, just like the one Maximus took in the show. Ozzy opens the case.]

Ozzy: "So. Much. Money! ($$-eyes)

Cilia: "Whoa, calm down. This is evidence."

Ozzy: "But how does this money prove anything? I bet Maximus will claim that it's his life savings or something!"

Cilia: "Well for starters, we don't get paid that much. Ever."

Ozzy: _(To himself) "True true…"_

Cilia: "Second, look closely inside."

Ozzy: "There's...a picture?"

[Ozzy looks at the photo...Maximus and Pneumoniac are seen together; Maximus is accepting the cash.]

Ozzy: "So Maximus really did take the money, huh. But how stupid do you have to be to take a photo of yourself doing a crime?!"

Cilia: "From that perspective, looks like a third person took it…"

Ozzy: "Probably the Pneumoniac's minions. But anyway, why would he want to kill me in the first place?"

Cilia: "Honestly, I don't understand any of his motives. He must know that teaming up with a virus is pointless since he'll kill Christine and all of her cells. Something about this still doesn't feel right to me, but evidence is evidence. We'll just have to ask him when he's arrested." (Cilia is giving off a heavy emotional vibe.)

Ozzy: "Are you thinking of the Pneumoniac?"

Cilia: "..."

Ozzy: "I've been in a position like yours before. Not knowing anything about a potential threat that can end your life is scary. But don't worry, I know that you are capable of doing your part to save Christine. And... I'll be here to help you.

Cilia: (Slight sigh of relief) "What, are you some therapist now? (Chuckles) Thanks for your concern." (Cilia's heaviness lightened.)

Ozzy: "Haha, I've got my lessons in therapy from some girl!"

[The two chuckle for a moment.]

Cilia: (To herself) "_I can't tell him that I'm concerned that my cooking probably will make Christine's condition worse by giving her indigestion. If they find out that I'm responsible…"_

Ozzy: (Interrupting her thoughts) "You know what I've noticed? You've managed to get a lot of investigating done without me around…"

Cilia: "Hmm, guess you are a real detective after all!"

* * *

[Imagine a similar scene from the show: Christine is at the pool and approaches Hector (who is still afraid of the water)]

Christine: "Hey Hector, I'm going in the pool. Coming?"

Hector: "Maybe...later?..."

Christine: (Achoo!) "Whew, felt like something just went up my nose!"

Hector: "I get feelings like that all the time."

Christine: "Haha, you're such a jokester! (Achoo!)" (To herself) "_Seriously, what's going on in there? First, my stomach started to ache out of nowhere and now I can't stop sneezing!"_

[Meanwhile inside Christine's nose]

Pneumoniac: "Yes, yes they're finally here! With our numbers, the girl doesn't stand a chance. Mwahaha!"

Maximus: "I understand your excitement, but do we really have time for this? Let's meet the troops in the lungs. I can't bear the thought of her sneezing again…"

Pneumoniac: "Ah, fine. Why do you have to be so serious all of the time? Victory is mine, I mean, ours! There is no reason to be worried, so lighten up, will ya."

Maximus: (To himself) "_How could any cell take the death of his/her city lightly? A city that I grew up alongside with, no less! I even helped protect her while she was still in the womb…_ (Outloud) "Sigh, I'm going."

?: "To jail!"

Maximus: "That voice! It's-"

Pneumoniac: "That white blood cell! He can't act like a woman to save his life."

Ozzy: "Hey, who asked you?!"

[Ozzy and Cilia are riding the same jet scooter from the show.]

Maximus: (To himself) "_Darn, they are really using my new jet scooter. I knew I should have kept it in my garage!" _[Pulls out a gun] "You guys really refuse to stay out of this!"

Cilia: "Sorry, I can't help but to interfere when Christine's life is on the line, you traitor!"

Pneumoniac: "Ha, I'm not scared of you! No matter how many of my troops you manage to take down, as you can see, I have plenty more flying in. Most of my forces should have made it to the lungs by now. It's game over!"

?: "Not if I have anything to say about it, and I do!"

[The mayor brought an army of her own attack helicopters, what does she have up her sleeve?]

Mayor Santorini: "Alright ladies, let's show them what girl power is all about. Don't let a single one get away!"

[The Pneumoniac's army are pretty much scared and chooses to run away instead of fighting back. Gosh, they are complete losers.]

Pneumoniac: "What is girl power?!"

Cilia: "Dunno, but here's my power!"

[Cilia jumps off the scooter and kicks down the Pneumoniac. Maximus prepares to shoot until Ozzy shoots the gun out of his hand with the scooter's blasters.]

Maximus: "!"

Ozzy: "Oh no you don't!"

[Cilia then does a sweeping kick and knocks Maximus over.]

Cilia: (Points her gun at his face) "As a member of the Christine Police Department, I hereby declare both of you under arrest!"

Maximus and Pneumoniac: (Raises their hands up and yields.)

Ozzy: "Wow, she is one tough woman, ain't that right fellas?"

* * *

[This is the arrest scene. All of the viruses are being escorted to vehicles to transport them to prison. The Pneumoniac and Maximus are answering to the mayor.]

Mayor Santorini: "Do you have ANYTHING to say to us about your predicament, former chief Maximus?"

Maximus: "Please mayor, give me some time and I'll explain everything. It's not what it looks like!"

Ozzy: "Then why were you trying to kill me, you liar!"

Maximus: "Kill you? I never attempted such a thing! I told you to follow my exact orders to keep you from getting killed!"

Ozzy: "Liar liar liar! You told me to go to the stomach and the spleen so that I could get ambushed. You even did it yourself the second time!"

Maximus: "Is anyone paying attention to the script? My name isn't spelled with a capital "A"!"

Cilia: "Maximus...please stop."

Maximus: "Cilia...please, you'll listen, right? I don't really work for this guy; I could never betray Christine!"

Cilia: "..."

Mayor Santorini: "Well, how about you, ?"

Pneumoniac: "Maximus, you promised me that no one would stop us!"

Mayor Santorini: (Glares at Maximus)

Maximus: "My lady, I can explain. I suspect there's some identity theft going on here!"

Mayor Santorini: "Please come up with a better lie as you spend the rest of your life cleaning out the colon! And lucky for you, something strange recently upset Christine's stomach!"

Maximus: "Nononononononono, you don't understand! This is only phase 1 of the Pneumoniac's plan; he's going to-

[The Pneumoniac reveals a sharp glowing claw; staring at Maximus sinisterly. Only Maximus notices.]

Maximus: (Gulps) "Nevermind…"

Mayor Santorini: "Urgh, I don't want to see your face anymore. Girls, take him away!"

[They take the criminals away to their respective destinations.]

Mayor Santorini: "And as for you Cilia…"

Cilia: "Yes ma'am?"

Mayor Santorini: "Meet me at the city hall later. I have something important to discuss with you."

Cilia: (Gulp; sweats nervously): "Yes, ma'am."

Ozzy: "Wait, what about me?"

Mayor Santorini: "I think I'll let you and Cilia have some alone time." (Winks)

Ozzy: "?!"

[The mayor leaves in her helicopter; only Cilia and Ozzy remain]


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Ozzy: "Well, Cilia… we did a pretty good job didn't we? It's so nice to see the city remain healthy…"

Cilia: "Be honest, you miss Hector, don't you?"

Ozzy: "Sigh...yes. I know it doesn't make sense; Christine is so nice and comfy. I mean, it feels great not having to deal with lethal invaders every episode! But I…"

Cilia: "...Want to make Hector like this?"

Ozzy: "Exactly!"

Cilia: "Jones...Ozzy, I don't know much about you; other than you're annoying, cocky, arrogant…"

Ozzy: "Have mercy, please!"

Cilia: "But you are certainly Hector's annoying cell. I bet your detective work saved him countless of times."

Ozzy: "Ha, you bet! Well, along with my friends of course. Sigh, but there's nothing I can do about that. I'll just be the best immunity cell Christine has ever had! But if I could go back to Hector, I would. Anyway, this is pretty depressing. Why do you care?"

Cilia: (Talking to her communicator) "NOW!"

Ozzy: "Cilia, what's happening?! And why are you taking the jet scooter?!"

Cilia: "Goodbye, ace detective." (Blows a kiss)

Ozzy: "Wait!"

[Ozzy tries to move, but his feet are stuck in the snot. Cilia waves as she zooms further inside the nasal cavity.]

Ozzy: "Hey I know this feeling…! She's about to sneeze!"

[After a moment, Ozzy comes to a realisation.]

Ozzy: "Ah, I see you. You ain't that slick girl! Thanks Cilia, you're the best!"

[On the outside, Christine and Hector just finished a swim race. Similar scene to the one at the end of the original episode.]

Christine: "Looks like I won again, Hector!"

Hector: "That was just a warm-up! Let's do best of 5!"

Christine: "Okay, you're on-!" "Oh no, I feel a- **Achoo**!"

[Ozzy is launched out of Christine's nose and is inhaled by Hector.]

* * *

[After arriving back into Hector, Ozzy goes back to his agency to find Drix.]

Ozzy: "Hey what's the deal here Drix? You just gonna erase my name out our agency like that?"

Drix and Maria: "Ozzy?!"

Ozzy: "That's right, I'm back; came in with a big sneeze! I see that nothing much has changed in the city…"

Drix: "It's great to see back and in good shape! You still owe me some money."

Ozzy: "Darn, you still remember that?"

Maria: "Come on Drix, he just got here! So Ozzy, tell us about your adventure. I've always wanted to know how life was like inside a girl!"

Drix: "Also, did you happen to see any pills like me? Haven't seen my colleagues in ages!"

Ozzy: "Guys guys, hold your questions; I'll answer all of them eventually! Are you ready, it's a pretty long story."

Maria and Drix: "Yes!"

Ozzy: "Okay, here goes! Upon arriving, I met a couple of lovely ladies; however one of their members were crazy! Her name is…"

* * *

Mayor Santorini: "...Cilia, how did it go?"

Cilia: "Excellent! Operation D.O.J. (Deport Osmosis Jones) was a success. I waited for him to give consent, just like you asked."

[Setting: the city hall, the mayor's office. Cilia and Mayor S are meeting.]

Mayor Santorini: (Sigh of relief) "Thanks. I don't like making any cell leave against her will. I can imagine that it was probably hard for you to let him go."

Cilia: "Um...sure. But it was done with his and Hector's interest in mind."

_[Flashback: Setting: Drizzy, Drip, and Cilia's house. This happened sometime after Ozzy was on probation.]_

_Amillia__: (Steps through the door) "Hello guys? I'm here…"_

_[She looks around for the family, but the place is empty.]_

_Amillia__: "Where are those guys? And why did they insist that I meet them here? Drizzy! It's Amillia, I'm here! !"_

_[Suddenly a "trap door" opens under Amillia and she falls down a chute.]_

_Amillia__: "!"_

_[She shortly lands inside of-]_

_Amillia__: "Drizzy's lab?"_

_Drizzy__: "Ah, you've finally arrived Amillia."_

_Amillia__: "Yeah..hello everyone. Um, why are we meeting here?"_

_Cilia__: "As much as I want to avoid this place, we needed a confined space to discuss some important information."_

_Drip__: "Yep, we have a secret operation that we're ready to share with you!"_

_Amillia__: "A secret operation? So what is it about?"_

_Drizzy__: "Operation D.O.J.: Deport Osmosis Jones. Pretty self explanatory."_

_Amillia__: "What?! Why?"_

_Cilia__: "To put it bluntly, he is a nuisance."_

_Drip__: "Don't forget that he is a danger magnet; his own t.v. show and movie proves it."_

_Drizzy__: "He just doesn't belong here, I can feel the balance of the universe being disrupted."_

_Amillia__: "You can't deport a cell just because you don't like him, you know? Besides, what do you want me to do about it?"_

_Cilia__: "You brain cells know each other best, correct? You should be able to convince the mayor to allow us to D.O.J."_

_Amillia__: "There's no way she'd agree to this!"_

_Drizzy__: "Even if it's for Hector's sake?"_

_Amillia__: "?"_

_Cilia__: "It's pretty obvious that he misses his former city. He's trying so hard to be the same 'hero' to Chrisitine, but fails because circumstances are very different here."_

_Drizzy__: "Christine isn't on the verge of death every week because of poor decisions. The only reason Hector is still alive is because of Osmosis Jones' previous experience, which isn't needed here. Essentially, by D.O.J. we'll not only restore OJ's way of life, but save Hector as well."_

_Drip__: "It's an absolute win!"_

_Amillia__: "Sigh, let me guess, that's the excuse you want me to use to convince the mayor?"_

_Drizzy, Drip, and Cilia__: "Exactly!"_

_Amillia__: "...Fine, I'll ask the mayor. But she'll probably have her own conditions as well. Just out of curiosity, how do you plan to deport him back to Hector?"_

_Drizzy__: "I've come up with one viable method, we're going to need access to the sinus department…"_

[Back to the present]

Mayor Santorini: "You are a really thoughtful cell, Cilia. But, I have something to say to you concerning your job position…"

Cilia: (Sweats nervously; to herself) "_Please don't put me on probation! I promise that I won't give Christine indigestion again."_ (Outloud) "Mayor, I can explain…"

Mayor Santorini: "How would you like to be the new Chief of the CPD?"

Cilia: "Chief?"

Mayor Santorini: "Of course, who else would I choose? You've always been dedicated on the job and you helped bring Maximus and the Pneumoniac to justice! So what do you say?"

* * *

Drip: "Whoa Cilia, you look really cool in that outfit!

Cilia: "You think? It's a little too formal for my taste, but he does radiate with authority."

Drizzy: "And you finally have an office of your own. Sounds like the perfect place for a second lab!"

Cilia: "Don't even think about it!"

[Cilia, Drizzy, and Drip are in Cilia's new office; celebrating her promotion. How will life change for them from this point on?]

Drip: "It's pretty amazing how you took down the virus before it could even affect Christine!"

Cilia: "What can I say? I am pretty skilled in combat."

Drizzy: "But...doesn't seem a little too convenient? We were able to defend Christine from a new virus without any damage or much resistance. I think something's not right…"

Cilia: "Drizzy, why do you have to be so paranoid? This is a perfect ending for us, let's celebrate it!"

Drip: "Ooh, how about a skating competition at the rink downtown? I believe that your promotion should give us a discount."

Cilia: "You're on!"

Drip: "Race you there!"

[Drip runs out of the office and Cilia runs after him.]

Drizzy: "Sigh, I guess I do worry too much. Everything is fine. Guys, wait for me!"

* * *

[Location: unknown. Seems to be some hidden layer. A feminine figure is sitting in her chair, facing a monitor. A masked figure steps in.]

?: "What's the report?"

?: "Everything went according to your plan, madame. Maximus took the fall and was removed from his position so that Cilia could be the new chief."

?: "And what about-?"

?: "Osmosis Jones? Apparently he's returned to his former city."

?: "So he won't interfere with us ladies, huh? Excellent work, MAximus!"

MAximus: "My pleasure. So what now, Madame Carmen?"

[Carmen, almost like a ninja, slices MAximus, causing him to dissolve.]

MAximus: "?!"

Carmen: "Thank you darling for your contribution, but I no longer have need for any clone right now. You're useless now." (Carmen snaps her fingers, three of her henchmen appear.)

Henchmen: "Yes, madame!"

Carmen: "Get ready for 'Phase 2' of our plan. The Pneumoniac is counting on us for this entire part of the plan. Don't fail me, understand?"

Henchmen: "Yes ma'am!"

[The henchmen scatter off, leaving Carmen by herself.]

Carmen: "Ah Cilia, I can't wait to meet you face-to-face. Our battles will be legendary; let the fun commence!" (Sinister laughter)

* * *

[The Pneumoniac is sitting alone in a confined prison cell. He makes a call on his 'phone']

?: (On the other side of phone) "What's the update? I assume you've been successful in your infiltration so far."

Pneumoniac: "Yes, my sister; it was too easy! Can you believe that they think that we've been defeated so easily with...**girl power**?! Christine doesn't stand a chance against our forces. Hahahaha!"

?: "Excellent! I'll enter the city with our **real army** once the other phases are complete. See you soon, I've got a city of my own that I'm finishing. Chaos is so fun! (Hangs up)"

Pneumoniac: "It sure is! Bwahaha!"

* * *

**A/N with Drizzy!**

Drizzy: "So, how did you like the new and improved episode? It's way better if I do say so myself, I mean, can you believe that they didn't bother to show Drip and me on screen even once?! You probably have some new questions now, but don't worry, this is only **part one **of this **story arch**! I'd strongly suggest that you read episode 6 after this if you haven't already, since that is the second part of this arch (although it was written long before). It may seem small, but everything will lead up to impactful climax at the end of the arch. It'll take some time though, but it'll be worth it! Besides, I don't think I'm ready for the events ahead; it seems terrifying!"

Dianne: "Who are you talking to, you creep?"

Drizzy: "Dianne?! and Tenri? What are you doing here? Get out!"

Tenri: "Nice to see you, Drizzy!"

Drizzy: "Uh, thanks Tenri. Could you convince Dianne to leave?"

Dianne: "What's wrong? Are you mad that I contributed more to the plot that you? Without me, that weirdo OJ would have never found the Pneumoniac!"

Drizzy: "Not true! I've also contributed...behind the scenes…"

Dianne: "You know the rules, if it's not done on camera, it doesn't count!"

Drizzy: "If you want to gloat about this, fine by me. I'll just humble you during our next competition!"

Dianne: "Ha, I'd like to see you try! Come on Tenri, we have some more testing to do!

Tenri: "Yes, Dianne!"

Drizzy: "Finally she's gone! Anyway, sorry about that. I have some errands to do myself, see you all next time!"

**End of Episode**


End file.
